„Wibbly Wobbly Digital Bits“ Terms of Service
Last Updated: Whenever we felt like it
Hello, dear User or User-to-be or User-who-just-ended-up-here-by-accident-while-Googling-recipes-for-banana-bread! Welcome to Wibbly Wobbly Digital Bits („WWDB,“ „We,“ „Us,“ or „Our pet rock“). You are currently interacting with our digital sphere of magnificence, also known as our website, or app, or sentient paperclip—depending on what timeline you currently reside in.
If you’re reading this, first of all, congratulations! You’ve discovered the meaning of life, or at least the meaning of how to waste your time on legalese that even we don’t fully understand.
Section 1: The Important-ish Stuff
By accessing our Services, you hereby acknowledge that you’ve read, understood, and agreed to perform the Chicken Dance at the next available public gathering.
Section 2: User Content and Sparkling Beverages
If you post, comment, or somehow manage to use telepathy to convey content on our platform, you are responsible for it. Unless it’s super cool, in which case, we may claim it was our idea all along. Also, you grant us the right to use said content in advertising that involves sparkling beverages because, you know, they’re bubbly and fun.
Section 3: The Non-Linear Time Loops Clause
We, WWDB, maintain the right to update these Terms of Service in the past, present, or future, creating a time loop that ensures you are forever bound by them, much like a contractual version of Groundhog Day.
Section 4: The ‚In Case of Zombies‘ Agreement
In the case of a zombie apocalypse, all agreements are null and void. Except for the agreement that you will share your stash of canned beans with us. That one still stands.
Section 5: The „Don’t Be Evil, Unless You’re a Fictional Villain“ Clause
Please, don’t be evil. But if you’re a fictional villain, that’s cool. Just give us a heads-up, so we can prepare our monologue about the triumph of good over evil.
Section 6: The What-The-Heck-Did-I-Just-Agree-To Provision
By using our platform, you agree that the user who invited you („Your Digital Overlord“) will have the unique ability to control the sounds on your phone. Yes, you read that right. They can make your phone play „Never Gonna Give You Up“ at full volume whenever they want. If you did not anticipate this remarkable feature, well, neither did we, but here we are.
Section 7: Some Other Stuff That May or May Not Apply
- 7.1) We hold the right to discontinue service based on whether Mercury is in retrograde.
- 7.2) You are not allowed to use our service while skydiving. It’s not that we don’t trust you; we just don’t trust gravity.
- 7.3) Please don’t feed the trolls, unless you have some really high-quality internet gruel.
Section 8: Conclusion and How to Escape this Contract
If you’ve made it this far, wow, you’re patient. Or bored. Or maybe both. Either way, thanks for reading our Terms of Service! Remember, breaking these terms might lead to a swift banning or, in the most severe cases, being sentenced to a lifetime of receiving glitter-filled envelopes.
So, to reiterate: You’re stuck with us, we’re stuck with you, and let the digital shenanigans commence!